Here it is- Kevin's Christmas menu. He loves to dress up as a fancy waiter every Christmas and make a hilarious menu for the kids to choose what they want for dinner. His theme this year was perfect given our move to New Jersey.
Yo, Itsa 2014 Noo Joisy Christmas Menu
Starters: Yo! Whatcha tryin to start?? Why ya gotta start something when we're just tryin to have a nice, quiet family dinnah in Noo Joisy? Just siddown, shuddup, and eat – aaight??
Main Course: Ok, now that ya quiet and seated, here's watcha can eat.
o Hamboiguh. It used to be a cow. But it didn't do too good a job mindin its bizness. So it got whacked. Bam. Right in the cow noggin. It was a mess, but it had ta be done, ya know? You can't have a cow – or anything else for that madder – not mindin its bizness. After it got whacked, it got ground up. Into boiguh. Do you want some?
HA!! I'm just kiddin ya! I would never serve a boiguh at Christmas!! Baddabing!! I gotcha! But seriously, mind ya bizness. And pick somethin else.
o Toikey. It's a giant bird. Or it was. I guess it still is. It used to be walkin around - but it looked at the wrong person the wrong way and said something all wrong. So it got whacked. Now it aint walkin around no more. Seriously, it's all wrong this bird. Really messed up. As a matter of fact, it ain't welcome here. Ya gonna have to pick somethin else.
o Chickin. Seriously – this yoo can have. It's poifect. It's shapely, it smells real good, and it's gotta nice tan. This is the type a bird you can be proud of. Highly recommended. You'll have some.
Sides: Yo, it's ok to have a little somethin on the side, ya know?
o Broccoli and brown rice casserole. Yo, it's a real nice casserole wit some real good stuff inside of it. It's got things like Broccoli inside of it. Plus it's also got things like brown rice inside of it too. I think you'll probably have some.
o Green Beans. You want that I should dish you up some green beans? That's a pretty good plan cuz these ones are roasted with garlic. Shpichey yo!
o Sweet Potato Fries. These are just like French fries, ya know? Except that they look different, are made from different stuff, smell different and taste different. But aside from that, they're totally the same. So if you like French fries – or if you don't like French fries, you'll probably really like these or not. I'm a little confused right now and I don't really know if you should have some. I think you're gonna have to decide on your own.
o Zookini. It's what you can wear to the zoo if you're a broad that works out real good and has a nice tan. Ha!! That's a funny joke! As for da dish – I've heard of it, but I can't really say what Zookini is. I'm pretty sure it grows on a tree. You should have some.
Beverage: We have mini fine beverage options. See ya server for options and you'll see what I mean.
Dessert: You'll never fit in dat zookini if you eat too much dessert!! HA, just kiddin. Maybe spend some more time at that tanning bed, but aside from dat, ya look fine. Have some dessert. We got lots to choose from.
