Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Dad’s Naughty & Nice Themed Christmas Menu

Color coded (naughty is in red, nice is in green)


Dad’s Naughty & Nice Christmas Menu 2013

Starters:  Before Naughty, before Nice, feel free to enjoy a small dish by request...
o  Quinoa B – Your father’s famous quinoa, broccoli, black bean, garlic, soy and sriracha masterpiece

Main Course:  Ok, now that you’re warmed up, it’s time to start the N&N schizophrenia!
o  Santa’s ShrimpSeriously, these were Santa's shrimp.  At least until I walked right up, grabbed ‘em and took off.   Even w my compromised cartilage, I can outrun the elderly obese.   Best part?  He actually gave me a whole sock full of charcoal which I used to grill these to perfection.    Santa’s a Sucker!!!
o  Luscious Lobster Rolls – Friend, while simultaneously meditating and marveling at the wonder of marine life (as I frequently do), I was blessed with a vision of the perfect lobster roll.   As sharing is my favorite thing, I’ll share it with you!   Succulent lobster steamed to perfection, served on soft bread with butter and sea salt.   
o  Conflicted Combo:  It’s ok.  It happens.   Especially on holidays. 

Sides:  Each with its own effect...
o  Medieval Mashed Potatoes - so what happens to a bag of potatoes that offends me?   I'll tell you what happens - I go medieval on the spuds.   I skin 'em, cut 'em up, boil ‘em, mash ‘em to a pulp, season ‘em just right, and serve ‘em to my relatives.   Mwuh Ha Ha Ha (evil laugh).  If you want some, I suggest you ask nicely!!
o  Sautéed Green Beans – Friend, you're no doubt aware that among my many charitable pursuits, I maintain a garden to feed the hungry.    My green bean harvest was blessedly bountiful this year, so I've taken some of the surplus and sautéed a delightfully healthy side dish for your enjoyment.   Though I must warn you, while my heart harbors no anger whatsoever, you might find a touch of anger in this dish – they’re SHPICEY! 
o  Cheezy  Grits – What, you want an explanation??   Ain’t nobody got time for that!!
o  Manna from Kevin – Friend, I don’t particularly like rolls, but I know you do.   So I grabbed a recipe and made these - from SCRATCH – just for you.   They’re lovely as you’d ever care, and I’ll serve them hot and with any accouterment you’d like – butter, jam, honey – you name it.   I just want you to be happy.

Beverage:  Wash away the confusion with one of the following fine beverages...
o  NOJWAK – Nippy Orange Juice With A Kick – yo, just don’t ask where it will kick ya!!   (hint, it’s right in th
o  Goose Island Root Beer – Friend, real beer at your age could be problematic, but a bottle or two of root beer is just fine, particularly for someone as fit and attractive as yourself.   Golly, you make me smile.
o  Melted polar ice (from the North Pole) – wanna help me accelerate global warming??  Mhuh Ha Ha Ha!!!!

Dessert:  The Ultimate Naughty and Nice dessert...
o  DMS-  Dad’s Milk Shake – Friend, this is perfection in a glass.   So smooth, so nice.   Enjoy it now -  before you develop the same milkshake intolerance I have – because I didn’t just make the milk shake, I made you too!!!  Mwuh Ha Ha Ha!!!